Navigating Plus Ones and Uninvited Guests

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ASSUME THEY CAN INVITE SOMEONE TO YOUR WEDDING

One thing you learn when you are planning your wedding: So much stress stems from your guests and family. Suddenly people are inviting plus ones or assuming certain people are coming, taking complete liberties with what is supposed to be your special day.

My fiancé and I want a small, intimate wedding. We weren't planning on giving everyone a plus one. We really want our wedding to just be shared with the people we are close with. The invitations aren't even out and people are assuming that they have a plus one. What should we do?

This is unfortunately a common thread with many engaged couples. The guest list should be fun to create but it can be incredibly stressful. It's a harsh lesson in not being able to please everybody. As a planner, this is one area that I can’t really help my clients with. I won’t be there for these conversations so, if you are experiencing this now, I hope to give you a bit of assistance.

The best way to approach this, with grace, is to explain the situation to your friends and family as they mention bringing a guest (and instruct your parents to do the same). Simply put: "[My partner] and I desire a very private wedding and have decided to keep the guest list small." If your choice is based partly on budget or venue space, you can add that anecdote. Otherwise, don't try to explain it away or make the conversation long, awkward or extensive. Use a very casual, neutral tone. More often than not, your friends and family will respond in the same tones you use. Having said that, etiquette dictates that you invite both spouses in a marriage and the significant other if a guest is engaged.

Best of luck! These can be tricky things to navigate and I’m here to help in any way possible.

photos by Eden Ingle; food by Clean Plate Club; rentals from Please Be Seated; flowers by Rosemary & Finch.